June 11, 2018
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A quick note: we’ll be taking a break for a few weeks. Our next posting here will be Monday July 9. We’ll resume our regular weekly schedule on that date.
Welcome, fellow lifelong learners, to Week 355 of Studies in Advanced Humorosity, brought to you by the Laugh-and-a-Half Foundation, a proud division of Smile Awhile Corporation, where they say “smile at someone today. Make ‘em wonder what you’re up to.”
We not only smiled, but laughed at ourselves a week or so ago. It was one of those deals where A Good Grasp of the Obvious is essential. Except in this instance it was more like oblivious instead of obvious.
We arrived back at the house and drove the car into the garage, which seemed almost as hot and sticky as the 93-degree day just outside. Turned off the engine, at which point I noticed some grunge around the shifter area.
“Just go get a wet paper towel and we can take of that in a second,” suggested my dear wife.
“Good idea,” I replied. I departed the vehicle, unlocked the house, got the paper towel, came back to the car and cleaned up the mini-mess.
“Now, where did I put the keys?” I asked. Seems like I had just had ‘em in my increasingly hot little hands just a few minutes ago.
“Must be in one of your pockets,” she said helpfully. I patted myself down so thoroughly that a TSA agent would have broke into spontaneous applause.
“Nothing here,” I said, puzzled and getting stickier by the minute. The temp seemed to have risen to about 112 in just the last few minutes.
“Check under the seats,” I said. Whenever we set keys down on a car seat they seem to immediately migrate off the edge of the seat and down into the dark recesses between the seat and the hardware that moves the seat.
We spent a few minutes poking around under the seats. We looked under the car. She checked all of HER pockets and purse. No go. This was turning into an unpleasant situation. She had no keys of her own that day, so we were locked out of the house. And it was hot. Then she had a brain flash.
“Try to start the car,” she suggested. We have one of those push button ignitions that links up to a wireless key fob. “If the keys are anywhere around here the car will start.”
“Good thinking,” I replied. I dutifully put my foot on the brake and hit the ‘start’ button. The dash lit up with a nice bright sign “Key fob not in access area.” Oh, good.
“Well, it’s gotta be here,” I protested. The temp and humidity in the garage had now increased to 118 and 93, respectively. I’m not a big fan of sweat. This sticky ordeal had now gone on for about fifteen minutes.
“Wait a sec,” she said. “You went in the house to get the paper towel. The keys must be in the house. That’s why the car wouldn’t start.”
I just stared at her. I hate being an idiot, especially in the presence of witnesses. I strode off to the house, went in through the already-unlocked door and picked the keys plus wireless fob off the kitchen table where I had placed them twenty minutes ago.
So now we carry a back-up key fob with house key attached. I figure that’ll give us twice as many chances to drop them under the seat.
Let’s peek in the mailbox…
Steve answered ‘Chuck Vsetecka’ to our question about the friendly North Dillon’s manager of a few years ago. That’s the man, alright. Eldon remembered Johnny Graham as the man. That must have been before Chuck’s tenure.
Re: the North Main Petroleum Club building. Steve said it’s still basically there, serving as part of the condo complex at that location. I’m thinking of the large (I think two story) building that was right close to 281. Terry said they tore it down. Well, you’re on the right track. HOW was it removed?
Steve also recalled the many various iterations of the downtown Petroleum Club on Kansas. Yes, there have been a bunch of restaurants and clubs that have rotated through there.
So, who had the smoothest transmission of the ‘50s? Roger and Eldon said ‘Dynaflow,’ the legendary Buick gearbox. Marks said maybe it was Chevy’s ‘Powerglide,’ and Eldon also said how about Pontiac’s ‘Hydramatic?’ This is one of those questions that may have more than one answer depending on your family’s experience with cars of that era. Lots of ‘50s car buffs say Packard’s ‘Ultramatic’ was the best, but they were gone by ’57. I’d agree with ‘Dynaflow.’ My Dad’s Chrysler ‘Torqueflite’ was a smoothie, too.
Okay, the Petroleum Club question is still available, as is the one about a certain President’s ‘rendezvous’ spot with his girlfriend in the White House, and the one about the 1968 Top Five hit recorded by Moms Mabley, Tom Clay, The Miracles and Dion.
Here are two more to make an ‘even’ five: Who was the longtime cashier at North Dillon’s? He spent a lot of time in that ‘cage.’
If the inner surface of your eyelids becomes inflamed, what’s the name of your ‘affliction’?
Thanks for visiting once again. We’ll be back to our regular schedule on Monday July 9.