January 9, 2017
Hey, thanks for dropping in on another edition of “Look What Happens When You Give a Computer to Just Anyone,” brought to you in part this week (Number 286 in a series) by the Institute for Insignificant Information, AKA “the Triple I.”
My wife and I usually get along pretty well. If we have disagreements, it’s usually about small and silly things. Like salt and pepper shakers. This came up again last week when she started putting away the holiday decorations, Christmas mugs, and assorted Christmasy-related paraphernalia. Except for the salt and pepper shakers. This shakey pair is a very charming holiday twosome; they sort of look like two tall red-and-white lighthouses. Except for one thing: they don’t WORK that well.
“What do you mean, they don’t work well?” she asked one evening at dinner.
“It’s the salt one, “ I replied. “I can’t speak to the functionality of the pepper one, because I don’t use much pepper. But the salt one drives me crazy.”
“That’s not a drive, that’s a short putt,” she quipped. I didn’t know she knew golf terms. “So, okay, I’ll play your game. HOW does it drive you crazy?”
“Well, you shake it a little to get the flow going. Nothing happens. Shake it a little more. You get about three grains of salt. Then you give it just a regular vigorous shake like you’d give a good, predictable shaker and whomp! You get a half- ton of salt on your chicken. That’s not right.”
“I don’t have any problem with it,” she said, giving me that ‘You are apparently an incompetent ninny, but I still love you” smile.
“Okay, YOU shake it,” I said. “Let’s see what happens.”
She shook it. A nicely measured amount came out. “See? Works just like any other shaker.”
“You’re doing something sneaky there,” I replied, turning the shaker upside down and looking some sort of hidden switch, which resulted in another ton of salt on my chicken. “You’re trying to make me think I’m crazy. You’re pullin’ a ‘Gaslight’ routine on me. (See Google, if you’re not familiar with the movie classic ‘Gaslight.’)
“No dearie,” she smiled indulgently. “I just know how to shake it. We all have our individual strengths in life. I know how to shake it. You know about short putts.”
I’m still pondering that last remark. I’m not sure if it was a zinger or just an innocent observation. Meanwhile, the shaker still doesen’t work. At least for me. And since it’s her favorite holiday shaker set, I’ll have to put up with it for at least another week.
Until then I may have to sneak driblets of salt from those little packets you get with take-out meals. We must have a few around here somewhere. I’m gettin’ desparate.
Okay, let’s see what’s transpired in the comments area since last week…
Terry got the ‘mezzanine’-style store. Righto, it was Litwin’s on Main. Kevin remembered it well, too. Oh, and thanks, Kevin, for reminding us of the creaky old wood floors in many of those vintage retail emporiums. I loved that sound, too. That’s the sound of a store which has served a lot of people over a lot of years.
John came up with ‘Escape: The Pina Colada Song’ by Rupert Holmes as the Number 1 song of ’79 that had an alcoholic drink in the title. It was also one of those songs which, given enough repetitions, would drive you around the bend, sort of like ‘Muskrat Love’ by The Captain and Tennille.
Kim knew it was ‘Lysol’ that got its start in 1889 and really took off during the 1918 flu pandemic, which supposedly started at Fort Riley. Nice research as usual, Kim.
Alright, the only question STILL out there is the name of the kindly and knowledgeable couple who ran the tax prep business in the Myers building on the 281 bypass. This would have been ‘80s and ‘90s. I know someone other than me remembers these folks. Their daughter works for Barton County.
Since this is inauguration season, here’s a trio of puzzlers for you…
Which President stayed out in bad weather too long and thus didn’t even get to complete his first year in office?
This same Prez also had a catchy two-part campaign slogan. What was it?
Which President designated his niece to be ‘sort’ of a First Lady for social occasions? Why did he do that?
Okay, here’s another boozy song title question: what 1968 country hit mentions the ‘beer city’ and by implication, a certain brand of beer?
Thanks for gracing this page with your presence once again. See you next week.